Showing posts from 2017

Mulan's "Reflection" and me

This just encapsulates all my feelings.

Not letting my limelight become my spotlight

So last Sunday I was at church and Pastor Chris preached about Job and one part struck me.

He was talking about how sometimes when we are suffering, we focus so much on ourselves and our pain that we put them in the limelight. And then how, if we are not careful, it would crowd out everything we know that is good about God, as our pain becomes our spotlight.

I think this is very true for me.

At least we can see from my previous post, I've certainly been spending a fair amount of time dwelling on my hurt.

Well, it's time I moved on I guess.

Recently I've been meditating on this verse:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.
Philippians 4:8 
And I have. And I think it helps.

Well, that's all for today. So long.

Reflections on suffering and the book of Job

My church is going through the Book of Job and I have the feels. During DG (Discipleship Group which is essentially a small group meeting on a weekday), we talked about how even though God answered Job at the end of the book, he still didn't give an explanation for all his suffering.

We discussed it a bit, and came to the conclusion that we just have to trust God. And that perhaps even if he were to answer, it would be hard for us in our human wisdom to properly comprehend what he's saying. A friend gave an analogy, that she often gives advice to her teenage daughter, for example, how she has to be more responsible because that is a quality valued in the workplace. But her daughter just brushes it off lightly. I thought that was an excellent example that really illustrated the concept of the gap in wisdom between individuals. What more, between us a mere mortal, and the omniscient God?

Then, I had a question. At the end, Job "surrenders" to God claiming that he is n…

On reading "Georgia Peaches and other Forbidden Fruit"

Just finished reading this amazing YA novel just about an hour ago and I have so much feels. Mostly because the story resonates so much with me.
My friend from GCN recommended this book on Facebook and I bought it on a whim, book lover that I am. It did not disappoint.
I started reading it earlier today in the morning and immediately connected with the main character, Joanna, who was known as Jo in Atlanta, before she moved out to small town Rome, Georgia, after her father, a radio preacher, married his new wife.
Jo is gay and her father wants her to keep her sexuality under wraps in the small town they are moving into. She reluctantly does and then finds herself crushing over straight girl Mary Carlson. Things then develop between the two of them, and I found myself rooting for her in the book. It has a happy ending and I was in tears at the end of the book.
I don't usually cry over novels but I ended up having a good 10-minute crying session after reading this one.
Perhaps beca…

On meeting Wesley Hill and attending his lectures

So this week I met Wesley Hill as he was invited to Singapore to do a conference and speak a little. After listening him speak at Prinsep Street Presbyterian on Monday night on the Old Testament and how it relates to marriage and sexuality, I was intrigued and signed up for the entire course with the Biblical Graduate School of Theology for $90 which I thought was a rather good deal.

Wow. It was amazing. I have been shortchanged by my church man. 10 years in church and never once have I heard a holistic picture preached on Sexuality, Marriage and the New Testament like the good professor did in a mere 4 sessions.

I'll be blogging what I've learnt over in the next couple of posts to consolidate my thoughts and also to reinforce what I've learnt.

What can I say, God's got my back.

I was doing just the exact opposite of what Dr Hill's been preaching almost right before the lecture and God just convinced and convicted me this week.

How good God is.

And with great power…

Thoughts of suicide

Today a gay Christian friend of mine told me that if he were ever to kill himself, in his own words, he'd "hang himself in the church toilet" to make a statement.

It's the third time in as many days suicide has been in my mind.

Yesterday a friend in Australia alluded to it for reasons unbeknownst to me.

The day before that I was super upset about the tension of holding on so tightly to my faith, and yet being created to be someone like myself - queer.

That night I was crying out to God, "Take me, take me already, won't you?"

It was hard.

I have a feeling when pastors counsel their gay Christian members, they don't see us as any different from the person watching porn, or one committing adultery. Which is all fair and good, all sins created equal (although I don't agree and that's a post for another day).

But how many can comprehend the deep hatred we have within ourselves, cultivated over years of internalised homophobia set in place by the …

Pleasure is God-glorifying (an extract)

God's creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasure that he created. Each pleasurable thing was perfectly created and designed to reflect and point to the greater glory of the one who created it. These things were designed not only to be pleasure inducing but also for a deeply spiritual purpose. They were meant to remind you of him. They were meant to amaze you not just with their existence but with the wisdom, power, and glory of the one who made them. They were put on earth to be one of God's means of getting your attention and capturing your heart.
You see, you will never understand pleasure if you think that it is an end in itself. Pleasure is pleasurable, and you should never feel guilty that you have enjoyed its pleasure or that you want more. This is all according to God's design. But you and I must understand that pleasure has a purpose beyond the momentary enjoyment it will give us. Pleasure exists as a sign of the existence of one in whose arm…

Coming out (again)

So I came out again today. For the nth time. This time, a first for me though, in my conservative church, with a friend from my DG (Discipleship Group) aka cell group, aka care group.

Having honed the skill of coming out discreetly for a number of years now, I did so rather subtly.

We were talking about a couple in our DG having given birth prematurely, and how my friend went to visit them the day before.

I commented that I'd rather not have children at all, for various reasons.

She commented that she too had been thinking, if she were to have a kid, what would she say to them if she found out they were gay? How to parent them in the most Christ-like way?

She continued with some other questions I forgot, for I was battling in my mind what I should do. But in the months that I've known her, she seemed like a rather nice and decent person, so I said,

"Well, you know, you can ask me."

And she went, "Oh."

And then, "Oh?"

And "Oh!"

Haha, the…

A response to an anthropologist

So I was reading this article that appeared in my Facebook feed. It's titled, "Youths in Singapore shunning religion" and you can click on the link to read the entire thing.

What struck me was one particular sentence. It was this:

Social anthropologist Lai Ah Eng of the National University of Singapore (NUS) said this group might therefore find religions "variously limiting, irrational, oppressive, unreasonable and unscientific".
I thought I might address each adjective here in this post.

1) "Religion is limiting."

I can understand when people say religion is limiting. Christianity, Islam, Buddhists among other faiths have dos and don'ts regarding many things in life. For Christianity at least, fornication (i.e. sex before marriage), lying, and gossip are not encouraged. 

This is in direct contrast to the world today. In movie after movie, song after song, giving in to one's sexual pleasure is not only encouraged, it is perceived as normal. That&#…

On friendship, singlehood, and marriage

“Singlehood is good. Marriage is good.” - Timothy Keller, paraphrased
Today got me reflecting again about singlehood versus marriage. The latter of course, something the church’s made an idol out of.
As much as they’d like to deny it, it certainly is, at least in the former church I used to belong to.
Why else would they have a group especially dedicated to singles trying to get together? No harm in that, but why not form one dedicated to promoting friendship instead?

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” - John 15:13
I mean come on, Jesus was the greatest friend. He died for us all.
How often today do we see friends laying down their lives for one another? In this age of busyness (especially in Singapore) I find myself missing out on the lives of the ones I most dearly want to know and be known to, simply because of a lack of time.
We need to carve out time for one another.
I need to.
Anyway, on back to the original topic, I’ve been reading …

Why a gay Christian would transit from a liberal church to a conservative one

So I attended my very first DG (Discipleship Group aka Cell Group) for 2017 last night.
It was a great time of discussion on the book of Luke and we even prayed for each other after the sharing was done. The people were all kind to me, a newcomer, and took time to listen to my questions and answer them.
Still, I had a niggling feeling that might change if I came out to them. 
I might be wrong. They could possibly be accepting of gay people.
But even that might change if I revealed that I was involved in a relationship with a person of the same sex.
At Adam Road Presbyterian Church (ARPC), the senior pastor had talked about the topic of sexuality once before, late last year, at the Saturday youth ministry session, which I attended with my partner.
It was all sensible and pastoral. I liked it that he encouraged the parents in particular to journey with their children if they came out to them.But at the beginning of the year, in the very first service last Sunday, I was dismayed to find out t…