Posts

Showing posts from 2017

Thoughts of suicide

Today a gay Christian friend of mine told me that if he were ever to kill himself, in his own words, he'd "hang himself in the church toilet" to make a statement.

It's the third time in as many days suicide has been in my mind.

Yesterday a friend in Australia alluded to it for reasons unbeknownst to me.

The day before that I was super upset about the tension of holding on so tightly to my faith, and yet being created to be someone like myself - queer.

That night I was crying out to God, "Take me, take me already, won't you?"

It was hard.

I have a feeling when pastors counsel their gay Christian members, they don't see us as any different from the person watching porn, or one committing adultery. Which is all fair and good, all sins created equal (although I don't agree and that's a post for another day).

But how many can comprehend the deep hatred we have within ourselves, cultivated over years of internalised homophobia set in place by the …

Pleasure is God-glorifying (an extract)

Image
God's creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasure that he created. Each pleasurable thing was perfectly created and designed to reflect and point to the greater glory of the one who created it. These things were designed not only to be pleasure inducing but also for a deeply spiritual purpose. They were meant to remind you of him. They were meant to amaze you not just with their existence but with the wisdom, power, and glory of the one who made them. They were put on earth to be one of God's means of getting your attention and capturing your heart.
You see, you will never understand pleasure if you think that it is an end in itself. Pleasure is pleasurable, and you should never feel guilty that you have enjoyed its pleasure or that you want more. This is all according to God's design. But you and I must understand that pleasure has a purpose beyond the momentary enjoyment it will give us. Pleasure exists as a sign of the existence of one in whose arm…

Coming out (again)

Image
So I came out again today. For the nth time. This time, a first for me though, in my conservative church, with a friend from my DG (Discipleship Group) aka cell group, aka care group.

Having honed the skill of coming out discreetly for a number of years now, I did so rather subtly.

We were talking about a couple in our DG having given birth prematurely, and how my friend went to visit them the day before.

I commented that I'd rather not have children at all, for various reasons.

She commented that she too had been thinking, if she were to have a kid, what would she say to them if she found out they were gay? How to parent them in the most Christ-like way?

She continued with some other questions I forgot, for I was battling in my mind what I should do. But in the months that I've known her, she seemed like a rather nice and decent person, so I said,

"Well, you know, you can ask me."

And she went, "Oh."

And then, "Oh?"

And "Oh!"

Haha, the…

A response to an anthropologist

Image
So I was reading this article that appeared in my Facebook feed. It's titled, "Youths in Singapore shunning religion" and you can click on the link to read the entire thing.

What struck me was one particular sentence. It was this:

Social anthropologist Lai Ah Eng of the National University of Singapore (NUS) said this group might therefore find religions "variously limiting, irrational, oppressive, unreasonable and unscientific".
I thought I might address each adjective here in this post.


1) "Religion is limiting."

I can understand when people say religion is limiting. Christianity, Islam, Buddhists among other faiths have dos and don'ts regarding many things in life. For Christianity at least, fornication (i.e. sex before marriage), lying, and gossip are not encouraged. 

This is in direct contrast to the world today. In movie after movie, song after song, giving in to one's sexual pleasure is not only encouraged, it is perceived as normal. That&#…

On friendship, singlehood, and marriage

Image
“Singlehood is good. Marriage is good.” - Timothy Keller, paraphrased
Today got me reflecting again about singlehood versus marriage. The latter of course, something the church’s made an idol out of.
As much as they’d like to deny it, it certainly is, at least in the former church I used to belong to.
Why else would they have a group especially dedicated to singles trying to get together? No harm in that, but why not form one dedicated to promoting friendship instead?

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” - John 15:13
I mean come on, Jesus was the greatest friend. He died for us all.
How often today do we see friends laying down their lives for one another? In this age of busyness (especially in Singapore) I find myself missing out on the lives of the ones I most dearly want to know and be known to, simply because of a lack of time.
We need to carve out time for one another.
I need to.
Anyway, on back to the original topic, I’ve been reading …

Why a gay Christian would transit from a liberal church to a conservative one

Image
So I attended my very first DG (Discipleship Group aka Cell Group) for 2017 last night.
It was a great time of discussion on the book of Luke and we even prayed for each other after the sharing was done. The people were all kind to me, a newcomer, and took time to listen to my questions and answer them.
Still, I had a niggling feeling that might change if I came out to them. 
I might be wrong. They could possibly be accepting of gay people.
But even that might change if I revealed that I was involved in a relationship with a person of the same sex.
At Adam Road Presbyterian Church (ARPC), the senior pastor had talked about the topic of sexuality once before, late last year, at the Saturday youth ministry session, which I attended with my partner.
It was all sensible and pastoral. I liked it that he encouraged the parents in particular to journey with their children if they came out to them.But at the beginning of the year, in the very first service last Sunday, I was dismayed to find out t…