Showing posts from June, 2015


In cell group last night, I was convicted.

I've been reading the Book of Proverbs and it was a nice surprise to find the church recently doing a series on it. Well, last night, as S. gave an example revolving around her husband and herself, I found myself identifying with it.

The one who knows much says little;
an understanding person remains calm.
Proverbs 17:27 
Therefore, I will make some changes with regards to this blog. I'm scraping the weekly postings. It's an unrealistic target and was the reason why I stopped posting in the middle of last year when this blog was brand new. In addition, this practice simply encourages me to shoot off the top of my head instead of prompting reflective and insightful pieces.

Words kill, words give life;
they're either poison or fruit - you choose.
Proverbs 18:21
I want my words to give life and I will be the first one to admit that these changes in no way means that the upcoming pieces will be chockfull of insights. It just means tha…

Gay marriage

My views on gay marriage are still evolving, but two pieces of writing I've read recently are very convincing. The first is an extremely lengthy 10k word blog post by Matthew Lee Anderson at Mere Orthodoxy, and the second is a very long 43 page journal article from the Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy. The former features a Christian perspective on the issue and the latter a secular one. Both are well worth the read although it might be rather difficult for Millennials in this day of short and snazzy Buzzfeed viral posts. I found it quite hard to read and had to spend some extra time reading through both a second time before having a better understanding of the arguments they made.

In addition, with regards to the welfare of children being raised in same-sex households, my views have been shaped by Brandi Walton who shared about her personal experiences growing up and Katy that points us to some scientific data about it. These two blog posts are much more readable than the…

The day I didn't feel like going for cell group

Yesterday, I didn't want to attend cell group.

I couldn't pinpoint the reason initially, only that I had a vague sense of dread all afternoon.

It culminated in a somewhat depressed Rachel heading to Ootoya, a fantastic Japanese restaurant, and ordering a dinner that is a tiny bit extravagant just because she needed some good food whenever she was feeling like the black dog bit.

She was contemplating how she could get out of it as she ate. Perhaps she would just not tell anyone and go AWOL? Perhaps she should say something cropped up at the very last minute and go watch a movie (technically that wasn't untrue). What should she do?

Finally, she had a glimmer of insight and realised it was perhaps because she didn't want to co-lead a discussion that evening that had been planned a couple nights before. The silly girl should have let the cell leader know instead of keeping it all bottled up, but this was classic Rachel for you.

So, with that in mind, she texted the other d…

Dear child

Dear child,

It doesn't matter if you are L, G, B, T, Q, I, or A.

You are loved.

Your Heavenly Father

On cats and grateful living

One magical hour passed quickly by in a cat cafe as I sat there enjoying the soft music and the presence of a dozen elegant felines. Time indeed flies when one is having fun. Contrast this to the agonizing minutes that crept slowly by at a snail's pace those many times when the crushes in my mind consumed me, involuntarily, inexplicably. 
Well, those crushes have passed, and that I am grateful for. There are many things I am grateful for, such as the presence of many supportive friends I've found myself surrounded by in church ever since I've come out to them. A., C., S., L., N., are just some of the few people who had the pleasure of hearing me go on and on and on at the various stages where I grapple with my orientation and the trials that come with it. God must have placed these angels in my life for such a time as this. 
And then there was my support group where I discovered that I wasn't alone in this. It was where I found out that "gay" and "Chris…

A silent retreat

I just came back from a 3-day silent retreat and it was an interesting experience to say the least. There is so much to share and I think if I just let myself ramble on, it would be an extremely long post so I'll just focus on the more interesting bits. Then again, this is my blog, so we shall see how this goes.

So I read about this in a book earlier in the year, and from all the positive testimonies in it, I thought it would be a good idea to try this out myself. It's quite a novelty to boot.

Day 1

On the morning of the first day, I sat in the beautiful garden, looked at all the beautiful plants and wrote a couple of haikus. Kinda felt I was channelling my inner Robert Frost. Then I tried to put together a sonnet titled "Words" that was inspired from the Book of Proverbs that I'd been reading the night before.

After lunch, I was due to meet my Spiritual Director. So as part of the retreat, we are to dialogue with a Spiritual Director who would guide the retreatan…

Queer Theology

Okay, this may sound heretical to some, but these are just some random, scattered reflections and thoughts I've had as a gay Christian.

Note: This is post is does not feature exegesis of any biblical text nor hermeneutics of any sort, so if you're looking for those, you can stop right here.


[1] During cell group

As my cell leader talked about not putting God in a box, I thought about myself. Could it be that God wanted to accept myself for who I was and how I was created, even if that meant embracing the gay?

Am I putting God in the box by suppressing that side of me?

I don't know.


[2] At a service

We sang a song with lyrics that went,

"For we have been redeemed,
And we have been set free."

I have been set free. So why do I feel so tied up on the inside? Why am I not celebrating the freedom God has given to me? Why am I hiding and not coming out since that I've been set free and am free indeed?

I wonder.


[3] As I listen to the song "Nothing is Impo…


I don't know about you, but I go about my day-to-day life looking at things through my gay perspective. You know how some people are informed with their feminist worldview, some from their perspective of a student, and then you have me viewing the world from my gay lens.

Now that the all-consuming crushes have faded away and with no one new on the block, I have been wondering about my sexuality quite a lot and the impact it has on my faith (as you might have read in a previous post). So as I walk along the street to get somewhere, I'd inevitably think about why I am gay, how finding a partner and being celibate would be like, how I would be in a mixed-orientation marriage with a guy, wondering what if... what if... what if...

Then I would spend time online reading about celibate gay Christians on Spiritual Friendship. Then I would read about other gay Christians, some single, some attached to their partners, and some married in a mixed-orientation marriage on their blogs. I re…

Ecclesiastes 7:13

Very apt.