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I'd been attending church for a year and a half now, and although some sermons demonised gay people, I thought after talking with the senior pastor and his wife, that it would stop.

Sadly, it didn't. On Christmas, I heard a sermon that highlighted two gay dads that'd sexually abused their adopted son.

I cried the entire night after that.

I do realise that the point was that man is depraved and evil and perhaps that was just a convenient example. But how would the gay teenager sitting amongst us in that congregation feel?

So I just told myself I had to take 6 months off from church to reevaluate my membership.

I somehow, after a talk with my ministry leader and another guy and that guy's wife, managed to drag myself to church last Sunday.

But as I sat there, my heart was anxiously waiting for the next gay slur, and I was bracing myself for it.

I think I can't live a life like that every Sunday morning is a time to practice what's I've learnt in CBT to calm m…

:(

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"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross & follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it."
Mark 8:34-35
I just came back home after dinner and coffee with two other friends after remembering and talking about our friend who killed herself recently. We all met in the support group I attended so this loss was particularly sad for me.

During the meeting, my friend brought up a good point. She said that we should do everything we can to maintain our sanity and not kill ourselves.

That made me realise that I probably shouldn't keep attending a church that demonises people like myself.

Then my ministry leader texted me and asked me if I'd like to come to church with them this Sunday.

"I dunno," I replied.

And I came home and got a postcard from a close friend with the verse from the beginning of this post.

It made me wonder if for me, if I lo…

Sharing my story

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So I'm meeting my ministry leader for dinner tomorrow, together with the first gay person I've gotten to know from ARPC, the church I'm currently attending.

This all happened because I came out to my ministry leader, and shortly after, told him I needed a 6 month break because I was taking a break from church. (There was a Christmas sermon that kinda demonized gay people even though the incident quoted in the sermon was true.) But I just couldn't handle it. That night, I went home and cried the night away.

And so my ministry leader contacted this guy he'd once heard sharing his story in a leaders' meeting. Then he arranged a lunch last year between the three of us. So I got to hear his story, where he was basically celibate until he got married to a woman, which was unexpected for him.

I don't know if I'm looking forward to sharing my story tomorrow night, because even though I've done it countless times (at Choices, Exodus, GCN, on this blog), it …